The Emotional Bank Account

Last week I was speaking with one of our students who felt that he was getting the short end of the stick from his classroom teacher.  He thought that any time he asked for something he was denied.  I asked what he had done to build the relationship to the point where, when he asked for something, the teacher might be inclined to agree.  He said that he really hadn't done much, and in fact, sometimes talked too much in class.  We began discussing the notion of an "emotional bank account".  I told the student it was just like a real bank account where you have to make deposits before you can make a withdrawl.   This is how we all respond to others in our lives, if they have contributed (made a deposit) emotionally to us, we are more likely to respond favourably when they ask for something.  This is consistent with the idea of contribution versus consumption.  We have to make a positive and worthwhile contribution to our community and to those around us, before we can ask for something.  The student began to understand the idea that it wasn't an obligation on the part of the teacher to meet his requests, but rather it was part of an ongoing relationship that needs to be built by both parties.  The student thought this was a good idea and returned to class ready to make a few "deposits" before he really needed to make a withdrawl.  I had to draw the line however, when he suggested the idea of bringing an "emotional bank card" to class.  I had to admire his sense of humour and felt that the lesson had been learned.